I personally think that love (the romantic type) is not a very nice topic. One, I’m single. Two, it makes me flinch and uncomfortable. Three, go ahead, say it. You think I’m a sorry envious loser who doesn’t have a boyfriend so I don’t appreciate it.
Alright, internet is a free country.
But regardless of the premise above, I think I’m gonna have to talk about it anyway for my first 2014 post. I know. Totally sappy and overrated. I myself want to vomit by the mere idea. But shut up! I’m going to do this because I can.
And I’m going to talk about it so some people can get over and out of it.
I’m going to talk about love that is yet (and probably never) to be returned.
So just like Aihara Kotoko of Itazura na Kiss or Morinaga Tetsuhiro of Koi Suru Boukun, you like someone for a very long time. Like…for three or so years !and we state the obvious fact that the object of your affection does not feel quite the same.
- They don’t know (a.) you (b.) your feelings for them
- They see you as a friend.
- They hate you.
- The worst type. Fuck, they don’t care. As Mother Theresa’s words go, “The opposite of love is indifference.”
Whatever. We all have our circumstances. I have mine so you figure out which type you are. At the end of the day, we all belong to the same type of species. Unloved and single Homo sapiens sapiens. And it’s alright! Because we still love ourselves…right? If you don’t, I guess you have to start learning to regain some of that self love because, dude, you’re inconsolable.
Now let’s ask, “How do we get over it?” The sad thing is Kotoko and Morinaga were never able to escape the spell of unrequited love. Good news though that, as all predicted, the love of their lives finally saw their worth and started to reciprocate. ‘Accept’, as Morinaga my precious love would put it.
But what if yours isn’t manga style? What if you find yourself loving/liking him for years but nothing is happening? He didn’t ask you to marry him or she didn’t suddenly want you to stay by her side forever? He still greets you good morning by the hallways but that’s just about it. You’re still a friend. You perhaps will always be a friend. Or an acquaintance. Or an enemy. Or nothing.
Now, listen to me. The only solution is to give up. I’m not, in any way, being antagonistic towards the idea of romance, but really, Itazura na Kiss or Koi Suru Boukun ain’t happening in real life. This is especially true if you know that the object of your affection already knows that you see him/er as potential love interest. Don’t fret though because, unlike what romantic movies or books tell us, it’s very possible to get out of this deep shit we call unrequited love. Just type it in Google and you’ll get the results.
Anyway, since you’re already here and I don’t think I can handle seeing more of this angst in real life, I’m going to give you my list. /nods here goes nothing.
1.) You just have to set some distance.
If there’s already distance…well, that’s your problem. WHY THE HELL CAN’T YOU GET OVER HIM? //shot I kid. If there’s already some distance, then create more. In fact, don’t see him at all. Now, some of you are colleagues at work or classmates in university (or, yes, in high school), but don’t let that problem hinder you from setting yourself free. At all cost, keep yourself accompanied. Don’t let him/er have an opportunity to talk with you alone because you’re most vulnerable when all of your attention is focused on him. Or her.
Now, we all know that the love of our lives can be insensitive pricks at times. They will just talk to us even if they know that small talks are garbage! or say hi! and we get all the jitters and we find ourselves falling further into the abyss of hell. This is why we have step number 2.
2.) You just have to see everything as business.
If he says hi, always think that he has some business with you. As in business-business. He isn’t talking with you because he wants to. He needs something and you have to do something for him. This is why I advice you to reply with the default, “Do you need something?” With this, the small and garbage talks are sure to find themselves in the trash bin right away. If they don’t need anything from you, immediately cut the conversation off. And I’m telling you to terminate it! as in not thinking about it. If he says ‘hi’ or calls your name and then waves a hand, always remember that you’re not the only human being that he greets every morning so nothing’s special.
Remember, false hopes are lethal.
Which leads us to number 3.
3.) Busy yourself.
So you won’t have the time to think about him or the greeting he did earlier. You won’t have the time to talk to your friends about him and your so-called ‘heartaches.’ What’s more, this’ll also help you in achieving number 1 and 2! You’ll have less time to meet and you’ll definitely have an excuse to cut off the talk should he suddenly wants to just see ‘how you’re doing.’
We all know that moving on is difficult though if the love of our lives wouldn’t just get it and leave us alone. They think that since they know our feelings and don’t return it, they have to console us with halfhearted kindness. It gets frustrating, really, when they do that and we just couldn’t push them off the cliff because we’re afraid they would hate us and we know that they don’t mean to be so stupid. So we remember number 4.
4.) Tell yourself that there is no possible happy ending (I got this one from the internet and I so completely agree).
Mangas could be right. There could be happy endings with this kind of love situation. However, if you really want to move on, it has already come to a point when you should’ve realized there is no hope. There really is no hope! If you have this kind of mindset, eventually, you’ll resign yourself with this reality and just fade into oblivion. HAHA I kid. But in all seriousness, your unrequited love began when you started to hope for reciprocation SO, if you would just erase that little detail, you’ll be able to set yourself free. IYKWIM. Number 4 is your salvation since it’s your ‘kickoff’. Steps 1-3 may not work but this absolutely will.
And don’t give me that ‘I’m contended from watching him afar.’ It’s not going to work for, sooner or later, the normal human beings that we are, we’ll get greedy.
You’re greedy. You have to admit that to move on. Say it! Say the mantra with me!
Image and quote not mine! It’s from Takanaga Hinako’s KSB!
And, finally, you have to love yourself. You have to satisfy that hunger and you have to realize that your hunger will never be satiated by that person.
- He just doesn’t know what to give you. or if he has to give you anything at all.
- He can give you something but it’s not what you want.
- He doesn’t want to give you anything.
- He doesn’t fucking care about your hunger.
That’s it! I’m signing off and hoping that year 2014 is a year of moving on.