Tag Archives: life

Sutphin Boulevard

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You’ll think that after In the Company of Shadows I’ll look for something lighter. And well, I guess I did for a time.

Until I find myself unable to go past chapter two of every book I read without throwing the word ‘shallow’ and asking ‘You call this sexual tension? You call this angst?’

It’s an unfair comparison in the face of genre difference and world building. But the lingering scenes that ICoS left me are still so fresh. I still have nightmares over the hell that Boyd experienced at Aleixo’s. Right then, I know that the best way to keep my reading streak is to open another book from same authors. At this point, I’m done with 1/27 so I turn to their solo projects. Which led me to Sutphin Boulevard. Continue reading

Welcome back, me

It has been one month!

Welcome back, self. The lady who has been writing this and that paper without ever getting the pleasure of being fulfilled in the process.

Scratch that.

It’s not like I haven’t been enjoying anything. What is my salary for? But just imagine yourself doing something for the heck of it. For the money and for the deadline. Not for knowledge, for passion or insert whatever other noble reasons you have here. Imagine writing for a client (have I mentioned you my job?) who have piles of blank pages left unfinished for his academic studies. Imagine yourself writing for a student who is so lazy to accomplish his two-paged and double-spaced requirement but is really generous and diligent when it comes to paying other people to get the job done for him.

It’s a win-win situation when I think about it. I need the money; I get the money. They need my words; I give it to them in exchange.

But, yes, I guess I have to quit. By being in that work, I thought I was teaching students to become less responsible. I hate it when my classmates make other people write their papers for them. How hypocritical could I ever be if I would get my bread and butter by doing same thing? Not to mention that, gradually, it became exhausting for me. My grades slowly slipped away and my health slowly deteriorated. I can’t even let it out because I can’t write.

 

 

You know what I mean?

 

 

 

So there goes my excuse for my absence for the last month.

I have my free time all in my hands now since my semester is almost over, my OJT starts at 15 and, yes, I have all the right to procrastinate with that last group paper that I have to submit for my English class.

It has been a blur of events. In fact, as I sit right now in front of my laptop, I cannot believe it. I can actually relax. I get to actually take my shower thinking about what to write for the next chapter of my story and wonder what I would be doing right after. Watch Gossip Girl? Finish reading Sophie Kinsella’s books?

Poor ambitious me, though, since I technically ended up writing here. haha I got a lot of things on my mind, but I ended up being overwhelmed by their number. You know me. When I’m stressed, I’m almost always found writing.

So why am I here? Well, you can say I don’t know why either. But perhaps, before I end this post, let me say hi to the world and  leave you this quote as a little reminder.

“There is a reason God limits our days…to make each one precious.”

I would be very much honored to quote Mitch Albom on that. I just recently finished his book The Time Keeper, and I just want to thank him for teaching me this wonderful lesson. For the past few months, I have been so busy counting the hours or minutes left before the “Time’s Up”. It’s not actually a bad thing. I got more organized, and I found myself less likely to miss requirements in school and/or work.

But did I ever get to really enjoy it? Did I make it worth it? Is my passion for writing, my health and academics really worth risking for the knowledge and money that I get to have after being continuously bombarded by work ?

 

 

EnOw.

 

 

 

Oh well, that’s why I quit.

XOXO

When there’s a role, there’s a drama

They say life is a drama. You play different roles in different scenes. You play your role in the society. You act based on your script, and forget your lines. Panic in your most unprepared state or do ad-libs when circumstances deem it necessary. You’re behind the curtains most of the time while waiting for your cue to go up on the stage. In those moments, you’re preparing yourself.

What will you project?

What will you say?

You do it because there will always be someone to watch you. An audience to decide if you played the part well.

I am prompted by this lesson from one of my university professors while watching a variety show called We Got Married. It’s a Korean program that’s aimed to let celebrities meet and ‘pseudo-marry.’ Let them realize how it is to live like a real couple and, later on, maybe even teach them lessons about life. Of course, let’s not forget about profit, but, that fact aside, I just want to utter my surprise on how a single show can change my opinion about a person.

I have already watched a lot of couple stories from two seasons, and I have to say that the show has been a great influence to and reference for my judgement. From Kim HyunJoong to Jo Kwon and even to one of the members of my favorite boy group,  Super Junior’s Kangin.

Anyway, the point in fact is that We Got Married is able to capture particular sides of these people that I don’t know about. Sides that I failed to see during their interviews, stage performances, radio programs or talk shows.

Kangin, for instance, has always given me this bully type aura, while Jo Kwon has this superficial image of a gay, annoying and attention-seeking diva. You get the picture.

You can just imagine my astonishment when I found myself a fan of both after watching the mentioned television program. I felt that I was completely wrong. Kangin is cute, charming and a complete gentleman, and Jo Kwon’s traits that I really found irritating before are, I dare say, his biggest charms. And no, I’m not saying that he’s gay.

That aside, you see, shows like these confuse me. I reiterate, some communication theorists have already established the fact that we just might be actors who are always trying to play a role in front of the scrutinizing gazes of our viewers. In fact, we may just be taking and executing them not because that’s what we really are but because we want to please everybody’s eyes. Please do tell me if I understood the theory incorrectly.

Kangin is so much different when he’s with his bandmates, he’s different when he’s with a girl, and I really will never know if he’s different when he’s not in front of a camera.

And I’m not saying that this is limited to individuals who are in the showbiz industry. I personally get these moments, too.

Sometimes, don’t you feel that with all these people you’re interacting with, and with all those adjustments that you’re making in your attitude, it’s getting hard to know who you are essentially? What your personality is? With all these roles that you take, you find it difficult sometimes to figure out whether you’re really strict or lenient, serious or cute, innocent or intelligent? Are there times when you just don’t feel that you are yourself? Because I do experience it a lot. Yes, even with my family.

I feel kind of bad for these celebrities because, more often than not, it’s their company who chooses which image they would show their audience. Sometimes to fit the perception the people already has of them, or, on other occasions, even fit what their names per se signify.

Pretty hard.

Even I, as a normal individual, get perplexed of my own life drama.